All holds but only when it has been stretched to the breaking point.

- Take Up the Bodies; Herbert Blau, 1982

They said where there’s a will there’s

No way you’ll ever find

Your way

Will always be a fight

You’re right

I don’t know what

I was thinking 

by the way,

Ich will etwas zu essen

Kannst du,

Will you

Please show me the way to your refrigerator?

I don’t want to get into

Another fight with you about

The way you want me to be and I wish

I had a stronger backbone

Before I met you, 

I was so hungry

To find my will I forgot

To be hungry

Like an animal

And ich will jetzt so viel

essen, trinken, sehen, erleben

Ich will,

Ich will,

Ich will-

 

Also.

 

I will be finding my way out of this.


Did you see the shape you made and understand?

I am made up of so many things.

Life gave me lemons but it didn’t say shit about sugar.

hold your head up.

Wann du nichts Gutes zu sagen hast? Dann sag lieber gar nichts.

The contention of even existing.

Today I sat in a coffee shop that was smaller than I expected.

Today I talked with an old friend who’s always seen me more than I expected

Today I remembered being a blade of grass

I said: “once you have been, you will always remember what it is to be”

And I remembered being grass

I sat on old coffee bags under new stairs

I smelled fresh wood and old dirt

We talked about the sweet sorrowful discontent of being alive.

The itch.

 

I remembered the claustrophobia of being grounded

While I created the memory of making a nest under stairs

I listened to Wicked Little Town just to get to the part where she says

“And then you’re someone that you’re not”

To feel my heart surge

So many times I’ve felt like that in this body

In other bodies

In bodies parts of me will be in later

 

And I remembered being grass.


How big would you need to be to scoop the clouds up like snow?

It is relaxing. It is good. It can be done.

Try to look like you. Yeah, you’ve been you before. It’s not your first time being you.

but somehow I couldn’t quite get it.

I saw something so beautiful in you.

I am a fascinating little creature.